


Son of Coul: Unholy Coolness

by RunRabbitRun



Category: The Avengers (2012), Thor (2011)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-03
Updated: 2011-12-03
Packaged: 2017-10-26 19:51:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/287215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RunRabbitRun/pseuds/RunRabbitRun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For the kinkmeme prompt: "Coulson's ambush debriefings are hilarious and clearly it's Loki's turn."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Son of Coul: Unholy Coolness

Loki turned off the taps and shook the excess water out of his hair before stepping out of the shower. He had his eyes closed against the hot water and steam of the bathroom and reached out blindly for his towel. Really, he sort of hated staying in Midgard hotels. He didn't know where things were on instinct and they smelled like human waste and polyester.

"Blast it." Loki snapped,groping for the towel rack.

"Here you go." said someone, placing a fluffy towel into his hand.

"Thank you." said Loki, briskly drying his face before wrapping the towel around his middle and opening his eyes. "Oh. When did you get here?"

"About an hour ago." said Agent Coulson with his typical serenity. "You take very long showers, Mr. Odinsson." He seemed both dreadfully out of place and yet exactly where he was meant to be, perched on the bathroom counter, briefcase in one hand, the other hand rapidly texting or hacking or playing Angry Birds on his cell phone. All the while he never took his sharp eyes off Loki.

Loki paused.

"Can I help you?" he asked finally, mentally going over all the spells he knew for stunning an opponent. Loki had made the one-time mistake of underestimating Coulson and after that event vowed to never be so foolish again. Coulson was a mean shot and had a fondness for tasers that rivaled that of Jane Foster's trigger-happy handmaiden.

"I'm here to debrief you regarding last week's altercation with the Mandarin."

"You do realize that we are enemies, yes?"

"I do. But you assisted in Mandarin's defeat and therefore I am obligated to debrief you for our records." Coulson slid off the counter and walked... no, _glided_ out of the bathroom and into the main suite. Loki narrowed his eyes. That man was just too put together. It grated on his nerves. Loki followed Coulson out of the bathroom and wiggled his fingers, casting a spell to untie the agent's shoelaces.

It didn't work. _What the Hel?_ Loki pouted and dropped his towel in retaliation for Coulson's unholy coolness. If he had to spend time under the agent's piercing eyes, dealing with his irritating questions, then he would do so in the most annoying manner possible.

Naked, Loki manifested a bag of potato chips out of nowhere and the TV turned itself on and flipped channels to the Hannah Montana show. Loki lounged on the bed as obnoxiously as he could and started munching the chips, rustling the bag and chewing loudly.

"So. What do you want to know?" he asked through his mouthful of chips, spraying crumbs in every direction.

Coulson smiled.

\----

Later, fully dressed and seated quietly in the back of Coulson's scary black sedan, Loki sulked an almighty sulk.

"You didn't have to take my chips." he whined. "Come to think of it, you didn't have to kidnap me either. Where are we going?"

"Somewhere where we can have a decent conversation." answered Coulson. "Quiet please, now. Prairie Home Companion is on."

**Author's Note:**

> I think Loki could do with some Ketchup. It's known for it's natural mellowing agents, after all.


End file.
